As the true epitome of masculinity, I theoretically shouldn't be able to shave without special tools like a black hole because my coarse, gritty, man-hairs that grow faster than the speed of light cannot ordinarily be shaved away with the tools of mortals. Nevertheless, I make my greatest attempts to seem as feminine as possible in order to counteract my machismo which, if allowed to grow unchecked, would consume the entire universe and New Jersey. Of course, for me, a feminine act is to shave, sans cream, by standing in front of a firing line and using the bullets to remove the hairs, one at a time. I then apply my aftershave by jumping into a volcano just as it is erupting.
Fuck I am manly.
Fuck I am manly.
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