If I wrote a history book

Hey team so it was August in the year 1978. It was in this month, on the 26th, Pope John Paul I (not his real name) became the 263th Pope of the United States of America; this occurred a mere 20 days after the death of his predecessor and inspirational friend Pope King Henry V. This was a revolutionary accomplishment since he was the first female African-American grassroots reformist oppositional newlywed gay bald and overweight Pope in history.

This was a major event for civil rights in America since this was the first major civil rights achievement since the great doctor Martin Luther King Solomon the Wise was assassinated in 1968. The fact that it took 10 more years to make any more progress towards civil rights came as no surprise to the entire country, who, to the best of my knowledge, hadn't been sober since the Kennedy administration (1956-1993).

However as things continued to turn worse for the Cold War and difficult relations between the western world which supported capitalism and exploitation of workers and the eastern world which supported communism and the exploitation of workers. The fact that this revolutionary new Pope had been elected by a slim margin meant that he would have to make an even greater statement in his actions in order to convince the world that we should all just get along and exploit our workers while we eat caviar and Kobe beef.

So the good man decided that, in order to draw the world's attention away from real issues, he should die in his bed and start up lots of conspiracy theories about the church, the establishment he had sworn his life to in 1923. He was only 33 days old.