In about one week I'll get this emailed to me by my aunt who wants to help me become a better person and it will remind me to email it to 10 others

Hey team so today I found myself carrying several items as I was walking down the road. The first of these items was a chair - not a folding chair or a lawn chair or an angry chair, but a regular office type chair made of fairly substantial and, as I found out, heavy oak. I was carrying this with much difficulty with my left arm. In my right arm, I had a package of My Little Pony fruit snacks and a polka-dot blanket.

Now I can explain the fruit snacks. This is my scientific hypothesis which many of my colleagues refuse to help me in researching or funding or even validating as a legitimate hypothesis but when it comes to fruit snacks I postulate that the fruitier the source of the fruit snack's material, the fruitier and tastier the actual snack will be. For this reason, I usually stick to shows where at least 50% of the palette is pink; you know, Powerpuff Girls, Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, and so on and so forth. I freaking love them and it is so many to buy next to my beef jerky and bacon and other artery-clogging macho foods at my local grocer.

But the rest of what I was carrying was a mystery to me. A mystery I was soon ready to rectify. I continued to walk for several blocks inviting many strange looks as well as many looks of pity for some reason but I kept going until I found a hospital and I checked in and told the doctor "I don't know what is wrong with me but I am carrying a chair and a blanket and I don't remember why"

So the doctor immediately diagnosed me as having cancer and they started me on chemo but then it got worse and I almost died and they figured it out and they thought it was an infection and they gave me antibiotics and I started to get better but then I got much worse and they ignored me for about a half hour while they diagnosed each others' problems to keep the viewing audience interested but then finally with about 5 minutes left in the episode they came back and told me I was suffering from plot-convenient amnesia and discharged me since I was all better but then they called back and I was like "what" and they handed me a bill for about 86 million dollars for the unnecessary health care and ran away to wrap up their personal problems while staring out of windows and listening to soft rock music.

So here I am now with a chair, a blanket with polka-dots of the green, red, and blue flavors, a half-eaten package of fruit snacks, and a pretty typical medical bill. I just continued walking. Maybe you'll see me on the street one day and you'll come up to me and help me find my way; I'm simply a lost and wandering soul with no one to turn to and no one to tell me my purpose in life.