Hey team I want to talk to you about something that is very near and dear to my heart and that is of course the issue of cell phones. Now I know you are thinking that you are in love with your cell phone and that I will simply sit here and bash them because I am old fashioned and mean spirited and hateful and racist and quite frankly the very same monster you were terrified would come out of your closet when you were 6 no matter how many times your Dad would turn on the light and show you that it was just a sweater masquerading as a horrible monster and that if there were monsters they would certainly pick a much better hiding space than your fucking closet which you never clean.
Oh I am sorry I was talking about cellular phones wasn't I. Okay now let me tell you team, when I first starting using a cell phone it was roughly the same size, shape, and weight of a brick. It made calls and it did a damn fine job of making calls from wherever you were as long as you weren't under an overpass, in a building, in a car, moving, in a high amount of humidity, in a low amount of humidity, a barometric pressure greater than that on the moon, or in the presence of gravity our lord and savior. But goddamn I would be able to hold a conversation with the person I was in the room with since it was so awful to make a call on them that it was really only practical in the case of really, serious emergencies like death and even minor emergencies like death of someone you didn't really care much for would be neglected.
Nowadays you can tell everyone ever little insignificant shitty detail about your life but completely ignore the person who is speaking right there next to you and you say "huh" and they say "nevermind I won't tell you about about the free superlasers they are giving out down the streets" and you grunt again because Valerie and Liz have taken Arnold and Carlos and Dorothy and Keesha and Tim and Wanda and Phoebe and Ralphie down into some horrible nightmarish existence through the use of extremely questionable teaching methods and it will surely come up in the next PTA meeting.
Actually that example was pretty cool I shouldn't have used it.
But you know what I am talking about right this is the problem I face with so many people who are having a conversation with me. For example just this last week I was in the process of interviewing a girl to be my skydiving out of an exploding plane stunt artist for my upcoming movie and she actually interrupted me mid interview to answer a text on her phone and she said it was important. So then when she went to respond to me I pretended to be answering a very important letter right then and there and I rushed it to the nearest pony express office where I personally rode it to Kansas where it made it to railroad tycoon Thomas Magruder until I remembered that he never actually existed.
I soon returned to my interviewee, patiently waiting with an innocent smile on her face and WHAT WAS THAT SHE WAS TEXTING AGAIN and so I turned bright green and put on purple pants and roared and offered her some peas.
I have completely forgotten the point of my story so I will conclude by rating this product 4 stars out of 5 for ease-of-use, portability, and convenience.
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