Hey team sorry I haven't updated in a week but you must understand I've been busy traveling through time so for me it's been almost 3 years and you would think I would write something during that time but no.
Anyway yes it is time for the secrets to come out. No more conspiracy theories and idiots on youtube giving their suggestions about how it would cause a "paradocks" because you would change things and then they wouldn't be changed in reality but it is or then maybe they'll quote some TV show to show how much they know about time travel. As a certifiable time traveler myself I am the utmost authority on the subject except for J.K. Rowling who very nearly gave away our secrets which is why all the characters had plot convienent amnesia about that stupid hourglass thing because us time travelers gave her a piece of our mind (why we didn't go back and change the book, I'll never know)
But yes back to time travel. We are still not sure what causes it, or, moreinasmuch, why some people have the innate ability to time travel. There is no such thing as a time travel machine, it will never work no matter how many flux capacitors you shove into there. Believe me, we tried and get this - Ikea wouldn't even refund our money.
It's really a pretty pleasant experience to travel through time. It's pretty much exactly like flying in first class on any major airlines, although I suppose that is not a good analogy because you would be too poor to understand it. Think of it this way. It's like you're out working in the field and your boss comes around and sprays you with a hose so you cool down. Wouldn't that just be the best, 1930s era migrant worker?
One of my favorite hobbies as a time traveler is to go back in time and teach people from all periods of time to mix cement and build roads. So far we are doing just okay, but eventually my antics will continue to spawn impassably complex cities filled completely with streets that criss-cross randomly, stop at bizarre locations, or even are up in the air! It'd be like everywhere was Boston.
Most people are wrong about how time travel could impact the present. You can do whatever the hell you want and nothing really gets screwed up. I mean, just last week I took a trip to England in 1066 and punched William of Normandy right in the face. He was so pissed off but I just disappeared back to my present time and nothing had changed other than the fact that both of my parents are now volcanoes.
When you hang around the time-traveler's club, though, they give you Time'b'rite, which is a marvelous spray cleaner that reverses any ill-effects of your fun. It's a simple compound of Lysol and antimatter that really gets the job done. I just sprayed a couple times on my new volcano parents and BOOM the sun exploded. It sometimes takes a couple of tries. So for those of you who were awake last week at 5:32 am I'm sorry I scared you.
The time-traveler's club is a lot like any other really nice exclusive country club. We have our own golf course, but it's pretty pointless since everyone gets a perfect 18 on it every time anyway. We like to take mass trips and show up in strange eras as tourists with ugly pants and fanny packs and cameras taking pictures of all the astounded Greek philosophers and dinosaurs. Unfortunately, this backfired slightly on us when we single-handedly caused the fashion vortex of the 1980s.
We are behind every UFO sighting ever. Bigfoot was simply Andy running across a big, open field and several forested areas with Bigfoot on a leash from when we brought him back as a souvenir (just as a bit of a heads up, don't stay alive longer than 2058 - it's not pretty).
Hmm... I think that about wraps it up. There's really not much more to time travel than that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to end this blog post the same way Bill Nye ended every single one of his shows.
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